The key factors that make you find the wrong person
What is the key to finding the wrong object? In love, there are many personal contradictions in our hearts. These self-entanglements are the important reasons that lead to love.
As the saying goes, “It’s not that the justices don’t get together.” Love is often the same. The two love and hate each other, fight and make trouble, but love to die.
For this kind of psychology, psychologists believe that one of the reasons for the strong attraction among lovers is actually to pursue a complete self.
Psychologist Yange believes that everyone has a “dominant” and “recessive” (or “shadow”) personality.
In fact, in addition to showing the “explicit personality” that everyone sees outside, there is also a “shadow personality” that is just the opposite, with a hidden heart.
In other words, a very lively person actually has a depressed side, while another very quiet person is likely to become restless in another strange environment.
According to psychological theory, the shadow personality of the “analytic” person is “sensational”, because the “analytic” person focuses on logical thinking and objective judgment, but when he highlights and shows “rational”, he knowsConsciously suppresses the personality of his delicate and emotional “perceptual” part to the depth of the subconscious, and turns into a hidden “shadow personality.”
Therefore, when one meets the opposite sex who is wearing his own “shadow personality”, he often feels cheerful and joyful, because the other person shows the personality traits that he lacks (or has been suppressed).
Some people say that love objects are usually complementary in character, which is why.
When a silent person meets a lively person, it is often his “shadow personality” who sees the sun and is called, gradually becoming extremely happy, and the captive mind can be freed freely.
This process of attracting the opposite sex and integrating the “shadow personality” and “dominant personality” will gradually develop a more complete and mature personality. This process is also called by the psychologist as the “complete self” pursuit.
Through the emotional crisis safely. However, this combination is often also called part of the pain of love. In the so-called running-in, the trait that attracted us the most in the past is now the most unbearable place for you.
If in the past, you fell in love with his tenderness, then you are likely to suffocate his lack of manliness, you fall in love with her lively, and you may also feel that she is “rote” and “naive.”
When you are in love, you feel that you have met the best person in the world, but at the break-in stage, you start to discover the countless shortcomings of the other party and start to be frustrated.
Because, at this stage, we all want to work hard to transform each other, so that each other becomes perfect in imagination, so pain also arises.
Many people fail this run-in period and end up in pain.
How can we make the relationship go more smoothly?
Psychologists believe that there is only one way to give up the illusion of making the other person perfect, instead of focusing on the other person, and return to focusing on the integration and growth of their “dominant” and “hidden” personality, focusing on expanding their own”Shadow Personality.”
When you give up changing each other, you actually learn to expand your “shadow personality” at the same time.
Interestingly, often a good partner, when a person gives up to change each other, the other party will be more and more affected, unknowingly the two become more and more like each other.